Near's Adventure
by Myew-chan
Summary: Oneshot Near decides to go outside for once. Much crack ensues. Implied onesided MxM. Not much adventure included


Hello! This is Myew-chan's awesome sister who is too lazy to make her own gosh darn account. A anyhow, I present to yee friends, a fic based on NEAR. There isn't much love for Near out there, so i decided to just write some crack with Near in it...though this fic isn't really centered around Near...

Disclaimer!!: I don't own Near, Death Note, any other DN characters, and I definantly don't own lego!

**Near's Adventure**

It was a bright and beautiful day, though Near didn't think so since he was too busy being cooped up in his silly little headquarters. Since Near was feeling especially grumpy that day, he knocked down his lego utopia and walked over to the nearest phone.

"Hello. It's Near. ... Yes I know you don't like me. ... I wanted to go hang out or something at the mall. ... It's because there's nothing to do. ... Yes I know the Kira case is still going on. ... I'm glad to hear it."

After hanging up the phone, he walked out of the building, completely disregarding the fact that his lackeys would probably worry about where he went. However, that was none of Near's concern, since he was too cool for them anyways. A bit later, he arrived at the mall and greeted Mello and Matt, who had arrived before him. He and Mello weren't on the best of terms, but Near still thought of him as a...friend of sorts. Or something like that.

After the exchanging of words and rudeness of Mello, they entered the mall and were stared at by many bystanders.

"Oh my! That child is still in his pajamas!" "My oh my! That boy is wearing an awful lot of leather!" "...I thought it was a girl."

Things like that were being said by these silly bystanders, so Mello decided to glare and yell at them for even considering that he was female.

After wasting money at many stores, they ran into a familiar face. "Wah, Misa Misa has boughten so much stuff today...Eh, ara?" Staring straight at the young girl, Near recognized her immediately as that...one girl. Yeah. Her.. "Misa thinks you look familiar. Have we met before?"

Silence.

After the long and awkward(well, to bystanders it looked this way) silence, Matt decided to speak. "Hey! You're that chick that I spied on!" ... ... ... "WHAT!?" Misa-Misa slapped Matt across the face while looking quite offended. "You spied on me!? When? From where? Why!? You pervert!!" Matt also looked quite offended. "Hey!! It's not my fault you look sorta like Mello!" This time, Mello slapped him across the head. "What the hell do you mean by that!? You...you weirdo!"

As the argument continued, Near chuckled. Yes, Near chuckled. Anyhow, he then offered that Matt take them all to the ice cream store and buy them some ice cream. Obeying the younger weirdo, he payed for all their ice cream.

"Wow! You're nicer then I thought you were! Thanks for the ice cream! But no more spying on me! It's very rude!!" Matt apologized once more for the whole ordeal and then stared at Mello. Just staring... Mello decided to ignore this and continue to devour his four scoop super chocolate ice cream on a cone.

After finishing the treat, they all walked out and spotted a certain someone, trying to hit on young teens. "Ah! Matsuda-san! What are you doing here???" Matsuda turned and stared at Misa for a few seconds. "Eh, eh, what are you doing here Misa Misa???" Sweat trickled down his face as he stuttered, trying to hide the obvious fact that he was trying to pick up girls. He then noticed the obvious Mello and Near that stood beside Misa. "Ah! Isn't that...Mello!?" A shocked expression soon appeared across Misa Misa's young pretty face. "Mello? Isn't he the person that Light doesn't particularly like!? Oh no! That means I have to tell him about this!!" _And maybe even find out his name so I can kill him for my dearest Light!_ "So...who's this Light person you mentioned?" Misa turned her head quickly and faced Matt. "Light is my boyfriend! He's the bestest guy in the world and he's all mine so back off!" Confusion was all over Matt's face. "Are you inferring something?"

Anyhow, Misa's phone rang.

_Eggs! Get your eggs here! Fresh and white eggs are here!!!  
Wiggle jiggle! Yellow middle! That's the best of what you aaaare  
White and tender, surround the ce-_

"Ah, Light-" Near quickly grabbed the phone from Misa and put it to his ear. "Hello. I've taken your girlfriend hostage."

---

On the other line...

---

_What the hell!? Who is this! Someone took Misa hostage?!? Maybe I'll just kill her. No! That'd be too suspicious! Should I ignore her? No..that'd also be suspicious...but she's so useless if she's captured! Though I should first figure out who this is..._

"Who is this?" The mysterious someone on the line remained quiet for a few seconds but soon spoke again. "Hello. I am someone you don't know and my name is Mail Jeevas. I've taken your girlfriend hostage and if you want her back, you must follow my directions."

_What the hell!? Who is this anyways!? Mail Jeevas? What kind of name is that!? It's worse then Misa! Whatthehellomgomgwhatthehell!! This is so weird what should I do should I listen!? Should I not should I justgo withitshouldInot oh man this is tough..._

"What do you want?" 'Mail Jeevas' replied once more after a quick pause. "I'd like the **limited edition space lego set.**"

... ... _WHAT IS UP WITH THIS SITUATION._

---

Back to Near and friends...

---

"Why did you use my name!?" Matt was pouting. Then he thought up another question. "How'd you know my name anyways?" A cold wind then blew through the air as Near looked at him, putting his finger to his lips. He then continued his phone call. "Yes. My servant will stop by your door to pick it up. Have it by three, and have a nice day." After that, he handed the phone back to Misa and looked at Matt. "It was in Mello's diary."

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING LOOKING THROUGH MY DIARY!? IT'S MINE!!!" Near clapped his hands over his ears, grumbling, "Stop being so loud...and also," He turned his head towards Matt. "You'll be picking up my new lego set at Yagami Light's door today at three p.m. Sharp." "Why me?" asked the poor little Matt-desu. Near shook his head. "It's because you're the only one he won't recognize."

---

And so, Near got his lego set and stayed over that night at Mello's house. Apartment. Yeah.

* * *

Well, that was the end of Near's day...I guess. This was just a crack fic. so don't go thinking it'll be continued. It's short, stupid, and unwanted. ;-; 


End file.
